


I Feel Your Warmth (And It Feels Like Home)

by eleanorbramwell



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 13:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8754403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eleanorbramwell/pseuds/eleanorbramwell
Summary: This is going to be a super fluffy winter/Christmassy Berena fic involving ice skating, mulled wine, cuddling, tree decorating, Christmas shopping and family get togethers. There will also be a bit of angst because who doesn't love a little bit of drama? (I promise no one gets hurt).





	

It had been a relatively quiet Thursday for Serena, spent pottering around the house catching up with all of the annoying chores that tended to get forgotten in the midst of everything else that was going on in her life. A mid-week day off was a treat indeed, and the brunette had actually been rather upset when she’d found out that Bernie had to work. Bernie had laughed at her as she’d frowned over the rota, reminding Serena that staffing was, in fact, her job. Serena had almost, almost changed her mind and gone in under the guise of catching up on paperwork, but in reality she had actually caught up with all of her outstanding work and had already told Jason she wouldn’t be working that day. She had learned very early on with Jason that it was easier not to change plans at the very last minute if she could help it.

So after the laundry was done, the bathroom was deep cleaned and bills finally paid, Serena had gone about making a shepherd’s pie, their Thursday evening staple. Jason had come in about halfway through her preparation to remind her about that evening’s television schedule. There was a documentary series on medieval medicine that he had been particularly enthralled with recently and Serena grinned as she heard him reminding himself to make sure he recorded it so that Bernie could catch up when she had the time. The pair were getting on like a house on fire, and it made Serena’s heart swell with joy. Ever since Serena and Bernie had tentatively started to pursue their newly changed relationship, he had been keen to make sure Bernie was as much a part of their lives as she had been before her secondment, always taking the opportunity to invite Bernie over for dinner, or to watch his newest favourite TV show.

Now, with full bellies and a bowl of jelly babies on the coffee table between them, they watched the show in comfortable silence, Serena pleasantly surprised that the content was actually rather interesting. It was definitely up Bernie’s alley with all the gory reenactments of medieval surgery. Serena sighed as she stretched herself out, her feet resting in the spot where the blonde usually sat, found herself wishing once again that she had actually seen Bernie that day.

In the three minute ad break when Serena would usually get up to make them both a cup of tea, Jason muted the TV and turned to Serena, waving slightly to catch her attention before he spoke.

“Auntie Serena, I think I’d quite like to go ice skating.” he said, a hopeful smile on his face.

“You would?” Serena replied, the slightly higher pitch of her voice indicating her slight shock at the request.

Jason had never taken much of an interest in anything like that before, but then, Serena often forgot that he hadn’t even been living with her for a full year yet and she was learning more and more about her nephew every day. This would be their first Christmas together as a family, and Serena’s mind wandered for a moment as she considered just how much her family had expanded since last Christmas.

There had always been Elinor of course, regardless of how strained their relationship had been at times. But now there was Jason and and his girlfriend, Celia, and… Bernie. A soft smile ghosted over her lips as she thought of the blonde who was currently stuck at work. Then of course there was Fletch and the kids, Raf and Morven, her AAU family. After everything that had happened this year she couldn’t imagine a Christmas without them around. Even Cameron and Charlotte, who Bernie was making slow but steady progress with, it would be lovely if they were around at Christmas time. She had yet to meet Bernie’s daughter but through working with Cameron, Serena had developed a fondness for the boy and it warmed her heart to see Bernie rebuilding her relationship with her children. Serena hummed happily as she thought of how lucky she was to have so much love in her life.

“Auntie Serena are you listening to me?” Jason’s voice interrupted her train of thought, “Can we go ice skating? They’ve set up an ice rink in the Christmas village outside the garden centre and I’ve already checked and the time when it’s least busiest is the 10-11am session on a Tuesday.”

Serena thought of the ice skates that had been languishing at the back of the shoe cupboard for years and wondered if she could even remember how to skate, but then she she supposed it was just like riding a bike, probably. Not that she’d ridden a bike in years either.

“I think that would be lovely Jason.”

“Good,” Jason replied, rubbing his hands together excitedly. “I’m going to invite Celia, and you can invite Bernie. It will be like a double date!” he added enthusiastically.

Serena blushed slightly at that. They were still taking things slowly, despite Serena already considering Bernie as part of her family. They hadn’t been out on a lot of dates, but mostly had been spending time at each other’s homes, talking, really getting to know each other. Mending wounds and building bridges, building trust. But going ice skating together was a proper date, a fun one, and Serena hoped Bernie would be up for it.

“I’ll ask her tonight,” Serena replied, making a mental note to ask her in the phone call which had fast become their nightly routine, whether they had seen each other that day or not.

“Jason...” Serena started, before she was interrupted by her nephew shushing her. Her eyes flicked over the to the television screen to see that the programme was back on.

So she sat back and tried to focus but she soon found her mind wandering. A nice crisp winter day, spending quality time with Jason, and Celia, who she didn’t see nearly enough of, hot chocolate and Bernie looking extra adorable all wrapped up in a coat and scarf. Yes, she thought to herself, ice skating was a wonderful idea. 

* * *

 

Serena was sat propped up against the headboard with the phone nestled between her ear and her shoulder. She took one of her ice skates out of the drawstring bag and started cleaning the blade with a soft cloth.

“Do you want to come over?” she asked, as she glanced at the clock. It was already past 11pm but even if Bernie hadn’t told her just how horrendous it had been, Serena would have been able to tell from the strain in the blonde doctor’s voice.

“Elinor’s room is still made up from last time,” she added, not wanting Bernie to think she was assuming anything.

“No, I-I’m okay,” and Serena heard the steady inhale and exhale of Bernie’s breath down the phone, something she did when she was trying to calm herself down and Serena couldn’t help but worry. The ice skate dropped into Serena’s lap, forgotten as she focused all her of her attention on Bernie.

“I can come to you,” Serena offered, before she had even thought about the logistics of leaving the house unexpectedly so late at night. “Bernie,” she prompted when she got no answer.

“Sorry… it’s just been one of those days you know? There just wasn’t a break in the madness, Morven needed help sorting out a problem with a couple of the F1’s, Fletch was off because Mikey’s ill. And I just...” Bernie paused, took a deep breath, “I lost 3 patients today Serena.”

There it was. The root of the problem. Serena didn’t miss the way that Bernie emphasized the ‘I’. Every doctor she knew dealt with the loss of patients differently but she’d only come across a few who felt guilt the way Bernie did, as if every death was a mark against her, as if there was something more she could have done, even though there wasn’t.

“Oh sweetheart.” Serena heard Bernie’s breath hitch at the term of endearment and she wanted nothing more than to have the other woman wrapped up in her arms.

“You did everything you could, you know that don’t you?” she said gently. And Serena meant it. She may not have been there but she knew that Bernie would have given everything she had to try and save them. She always did.

“I know,” Bernie replied softly, not at all convincingly. “It never gets easier.” She spoke so quietly that time that Serena wasn’t even sure if she’d meant to say it out loud.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come over?” Serena asked, “Jason is already asleep, you don’t have to worry about disturbing him. I don’t like the thought of you being on your own tonight.”

“It’s late Serena, and I’m alright, honestly,” Bernie said, and she sounded a little bit surer this time. “Some dinner and a good night’s sleep and I’ll be right as rain. I’m already feeling a bit better for hearing your voice though, the thought of this phone call got me through those last 4 hours.”

Serena felt a smile tug at her lips at Bernie’s words, for someone so full of great British reserve, Bernie could actually be incredibly soppy at times and she considered herself so very lucky that she got to see this side of her.

“I didn’t keep you up though did I?” Bernie asked, and Serena found herself shaking her head even though there was no one there to see it. Though Serena was always quick to reassure her, Bernie had a bad habit of worrying that she was being a nuisance.

“No, no, I was still awake, Jason was complaining about the space left on the recorder box thing and said I had to catch up with some of my shows before he deleted them to make more space for the documentaries he’s saving for _you_.”

Bernie genuinely chuckled at that and, Serena, finally satisfied that Bernie would actually be okay, picked up the ice skate and continued buffing the blade, testing the sharpness with her finger. They were a little bit blunt, but they’d do.

“I’m afraid that I’ll have to agree with your nephew on this one, there are so many other shows that need the space more than bloody Bake Off. I can’t believe you’ve managed to make it this far and still not know who the winner was,” Bernie teased. “I could put you out of your misery if you like?”

“Berenice Wolfe don’t you dare,” Serena’s eyebrows raised at the thought of Bernie spoiling the winner of this year’s competition, it was on pain of death that the rest of the staff on AAU had been warned away from talking about the show in Serena’s presence.

“It’s alright, don’t worry, Jason told me what happened when he accidentally spoiled the finale of Masterchef,” Bernie laughed at the memory.

“Yes, okay,” Serena huffed. “Haha very funny. Oh, before I forget, speaking of Jason,” she said, “what are you doing on Tuesday morning?”

“I think I’m off, actually, but I haven’t really given it much though. I could probably do with catching up on some paperwork though.” Serena snorted at that.

Catching up on paperwork was absolutely something Bernie needed to do. She honestly had no idea how the blonde even managed to work properly at the tidal wave of chaos that was her desk. Serena had spent a good half an hour looking for a patient file the other day when Bernie had come in and plucked the document out of a impossibly messy stack of papers in about 5 seconds flat. It was annoying, but also frustratingly endearing, a Bernie quirk that Serena couldn’t help but love.

“As much as I agree that that would be really helpful Bernie, Jason has actually invited us to go ice skating with Celia and himself on Tuesday morning, would you like to go?”

Serena heard a noise that sounded a bit like a muffled cough, and then silence. She pulled the phone away from her ear, wondering if the signal had dropped. She frowned, seeing that she she still had 4 bars. “Bernie, are you there?” It took a good twenty seconds before she finally got a response from the blonde.

“Yes! Um, I’m here. Sorry. Did you say ice skating?”

“Yes, ice skating, a fun winter activity usually followed by hot chocolate , and maybe cake, if you’re lucky. What do you think?”

“I er… I haven’t… it’s not really my thing Serena,” Bernie replied and Serena felt her heart sink a little bit.

She had been sure Bernie would be up for it, after all, she had allowed Bernie to drag her around the park last Sunday for a ‘jog’ which had actually entailed Serena struggling to keep up with what was Bernie’s absolute slowest comfortable pace. Surely ice skating was much more fun, as athletic activities go.

“Oh come on, it’ll be fun, I promise, we’ve had such an awful week at work, it’ll be nice to do something different” Serena said, then paused for a second to think carefully about her words. “And Jason really is excited, he made me promise to ask you especially.”

Serena heard Bernie sigh on the other end of the line, and she knew she’d got her then.

“I suppose... yes, it would make a change,” Bernie conceded.

“Yes it would,” Serena smiled, and they fell into a comfortable silence as they often did now.

Serena hummed as she listened to Bernie clattering around her kitchen, and then heard the ping of the microwave. She hoped it was one of the meals that she and Jason had packed her freezer with, and not 3 day old chow mein.

“Lamb hotpot,” Bernie suddenly said, as if she could read Serena’s mind. “You really are too good to me Serena Campbell." Serena could hear the smile in Bernie’s voice and she felt a pull in her chest.

“Nothing’s too good for you, Bernie Wolfe. I adore the bones of you.”

“Serena,” Bernie whispered, “Serena…I,” and Serena heard the clatter of a fork hitting wood.

It happened so often now, they would get to a point in a conversation where the weight of words that hadn’t been said yet would hang over them so heavily, and Bernie always seemed to get stuck.

But Serena understood, she understood was Bernie was trying to say, that Bernie needed time, that it would happen eventually and she was happy just to let things evolve at their own pace.

“I know,” Serena replied, sure and steady, reassuring, the same as every night, “me too darling.”

And Bernie’s relieved exhale rang in her ears long after she had hung up the phone.

**Author's Note:**

> This all happened because I had an idea about how cute Bernie would be ice skating with rosy cheeks and a hat on and it's somehow managed to evolve into what I think will be at least a 10 chapter fic. I haven't written for ages and it's really nice to finally be able to get some of the words out of my brain. Big big thank you to @CommanderSQ who has been the biggest source of help and encouragement and headcanons. Without her this wouldn't exist :) Also thank you to @shellylass17 for giving it a read over <3 Any mistakes will be a result of me adding bits after it's been looked over.


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